i knew a girl named kiki

over a year without an "emo kid who needs livejournal because she cant afford a shrink" moment-go me

2008-06-25T07:23:17Z

so i'm nuts. really... just truly crazy. i have found pretty much the most amazing boyfriend ever-or rather he found me. i'm happy-really happy. but i am SCARED SHITLESS!!! like... you don't even know how scared. more terrified than if a pack of stempeding deer was heading straight for me (and we all know how much i hate deer). i keep having these terrible nightmares of brian leaving me or random other girls moving into our apartment and i just wake up to find them there and they're just mean for no reason. now... this isn't going to happen in real life, and i know that. but i just have this consuming fear of losing him for absolutely no reason. i mean- this kid's seen it all-the good, the bad, the ugly, the hormonal... i mean everything and he hasn't even shown a HINT of running for the hills. and he tells me its not happening. he assures me a million times he's not going anywhere. so why the FUCK am i having nightmares about him being awful to me and leaving me.

...head karma for all the crappy boyfriends i've been an asshole to? ...who knows, but i'd really like it to stop-pronto!

lifeinflipflops @ 2007-06-05T00:24:00

2007-06-05T04:27:31Z

The first man was beautiful
But too drunk and too old
He satisfied my cravings
So young and so bold

I gave him my body
I gave him my heart
He let his mother
Tear me apart.

The next man was successful
But too dull and too nice
He tried to give me fire
While I put him on ice

I gave him a chance
I gave him an out
He fucked my friend
Who used him, no doubt

The next man was innocent
But his past made him scared
He never once hurt me
In the life that we shared

I gave him my best
I gave him my future
He cut me so deep
I bled through the sutures

The next man I used
But he didn’t care
Neither felt anything
But orgasm and despair

I gave him some scratches
I gave him a moan
He kept me alive
While I was feeling alone

The next man was silent
Too cool and too coy
Turns out this man
Was a scared little boy

I gave him a challenge
I gave him a fight
He gave me empty promises
But he stayed through the night

The next man was accommodating
But too eager and kind
He knew I was jaded
But paid it no mind

I gave him some memories
I gave him some fun
He would have given me anything
But I’d come undone

How many men
Will pass through this heart?
Which ones will I keep?
Which will I tear apart?

This last man is genius
Too good and too smart
This man has my devotion
This man has my heart

I give him my enthusiasm
My passion, my steam
He gives me a place
In his life and his dream.

what else can you do when you're feeling emo....

2007-05-24T06:29:25Z

...but write in your livejournal...

take the first train out of town
out of here, back home

your house may be clean
your dinner ready at six
but if you saw what we see
you'd know your love's not sound

so take the first train out of town
out of here, back home
back, back to me

"the first train" [gruvis malt]

...who says "i love you lovey" and celebrates 26 month anniversaries?! ...sriously!

...i've gotta stop doing this to myself. =/

lifeinflipflops @ 2007-01-09T20:23:00

2007-01-10T01:24:56Z

the next person who tells me how awesome i am then proceeds to treat me like complete shit will incur my wrath...

woo...

2006-12-28T23:00:36Z

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-12-24T13:06:00

2006-12-24T18:08:03Z

its christmas eve and all i really want to do is sit alone and cry about all the crap i've been holding off on crying about...

merry fucking christmas.

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-12-23T14:46:00

2006-12-23T19:48:11Z

do it, you won't...

life is really lame right now... bah humbug!

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-10-16T07:43:00

2006-10-16T11:45:06Z

so basically i feel like i'm dying... great weekend though.

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-10-12T00:51:00

2006-10-12T04:52:53Z

i just don't know how i feel about a man who isn't down with mr. bojngles...

loooooove iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt.........

2006-10-07T01:15:49Z

the times union did a story about the barn- and that makes me smile.

A barn raising for growing the arts
Group wants to start an artsincubator building in Albany

By DANIELLE FURFARO, Staff writer
Click byline for more stories by writer.
First published: Thursday, October 5, 2006

ALBANY -- Anyone familiar with the term "barn raising" knowns that it's about more than just building a structure. It's about building community.

That sense of community is the main premise behind the Albany Barn, a new creative arts incubator formed to help assist Capital Region artists and musicians.

"There are a lot of people here working very actively to create local work," said Jeffrey Mirel, head organizer of the nonprofit. "We wanted to do something that really created a home for some of the arts going on in Albany."

Now, after nearly two years of organizing concerts, gallery shows and benefits with its sister organization Rock2Rebuild, the Albany Barn is working on creating another kind of home -- an actual structure where artists can live, work and play.

For the past few months, Mirel has been working with the Albany Housing Authority to identify a large building that could be turned into a combination artist loft space/performance venue. One building he is considering is the former St. Joseph's Academy, a 36,000-square-foot structure on North Swan Street in the heart of Arbor Hill.

"The biggest problem right now with the Albany arts scene, that I hear all the time, is we need space to perform and space to display," said Mirel. "And there is a marketing problem. But there is no dearth of talent."

The Albany Housing Authority has commissioned a feasibility study for the building and found that it has three possible uses -- artist loft space, senior housing or regular housing.

"What we are trying to do with North Swan Street is turn it around," said Darren Scott, HOPE VI coordinator for the authority. "Five years ago, it was known for drug dealing and shootings. Now it's pretty quiet and we don't want that element to creep back in."

Since plans for the Barn are not yet finalized and the building will need a good deal of renovation, it will most likely be months before anyone could move any or any shows will be hosted at the locale. But Mirel is anticipating that the living units will be an average of 743 square feet, some will have terrace access and off-street parking will be available.

Mirel recently sent out calls for applications to get a feel for how many people would be interested and received about 70 responses.

Albany photographer and stylist Erin Pihlaja said living in an artist loft space would make it much easier for her to be successful in her field.

"To have a work and living space as a coop is the only way I can afford to do it," said Pihlaja, 29. "At this point, in order to house all my styling equipment, I'd have to go to work for someone else."

Mirel has taken his inspiration for the building project from AS220, a 21-year-old artist collective in Providence, R.I. That group started from humble beginnings, hosting concerts and shows at abandoned buildings.

"The idea was to create an unjuried, uncensored environment for artists to present their work in any medium," said Umberto Crenca, artistic director of AS220.

Over the years, AS220 has evolved into a well-known force that has contributed to the increase of high culture in the Providence area. That organization now owns two building in the city, including one that has everything from artist lofts and teaching spaces to a barber shop and cafe.

"This was a completely abandoned block," said Crenca. "We represented a kind of rare hope here. In terms of culture and vitality and hope, I'd like to think AS220 was kind of like the pilot light."

Furfaro can be reached at 454-5097 or by e-mail at dfurfaro@timesunion.com.

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-09-12T18:06:00

2006-09-12T22:06:45Z

i kind of feel like dying...

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-09-04T22:48:00

2006-09-05T02:51:03Z

i just watched jessica simpson attempt to sing "fly" by pattyu griffin and i almost vomited...

worst. idea. ever.

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-08-12T20:36:00

2006-08-13T00:38:54Z

i really need to stop being envious of the things others have and start appreciating the things i have...

and i told dan where he could go stick it today. that felt nice. :)

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-08-12T00:42:00

2006-08-12T04:44:32Z

je suis tres triste...

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-07-08T20:01:00

2006-07-09T00:05:42Z

i want to cry and i have absolutely no reason as to why.... i'm not even sad. crazy business...

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-06-30T20:09:00

2006-07-01T00:08:44Z

love is blind. love is not a blind date!!!

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-06-23T18:17:00

2006-06-23T22:28:29Z

okay, so for whatever reason the subject of marriage has been brought up like 32095739486984 times in the last week, and while the idea quite frankly scares me a bit, i suppose it's not a bad idea to be thinking ahead and such. soooo.... i'd been talking with meg and shelly about who i was going to have give me away [since i was most definitely not letting my daddy do it] and i've always wanted it to be my uncle joe... buuuuut... i also always thought i'd get married at kind of a young age, but now since i'm twenty and haven't had a serious boyfriend in well over a year, and since uncle joe is alreay eighty-two [he's my great uncle for those of you who are confused.] and not in the best health ever. it makes me absolutely miserable to think that he may not be around to see me get married, but i suppose i need to think of an alternative incase that is that case. so i was talking with greg today and thinking about who i could ask. i was thinking one of my brothers [after madison told me that she was having randy give her away], but i don't think either of them would go against my father and do it for me, so then i considered my guy friends. paul just isn't right... he's protective of me and i love him to death, but...eh... you can't have someone give you away who at one point has or has wanted to get in your pants... so that reasoning also ruled out greg... [plus, he's not even very protective or anything of me] soooo... that only really left one person that i think would be absolutely perfect! my little alex!!! i think it's kind of perfect becuase he is really important to me and i definitely see him like the little brother i never had... so i'm going to ask when i see him tomorrow if he would consider it. i know it's like waaaaayyyy off in the future and an odd request to make of him, but i figure if i get him to agree now that will be one thing he will have to be around for and it will absolutely force us to keep in touch even after he goes away to school. [becuase i know how easy it is to lose touch with people after highschool, adn quite frankly i'd be terribly sad if alex and i ever stopped speaking!] so that concludes my ridiculously unnecessary marriage rant...

[oh and erica, not that i think you would, but if you happen to see alex before me, don't say anything about it to him! thanks! :)]

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-06-18T15:43:00

2006-06-18T19:51:19Z

okay so friday night was my birthday bash. it was a good time. it was so good to see all my sisters and my CU crew! i've missed them tons! tdan didn't end up coming,a dn i was kinda sad, but he called me twice throughout the night, so at least he was thinking about me i suppose. i keep trying to enforce to him that we have a looooooot to talk about before things can be "better than before" but i feel like he isn't taking me completely seriuously. oh, and i told him that i would rather come see him than have him come here, and he didn't have a problem with it, so i'm pretty happy about that. back to my party... oh what a fucking shit show! i started smoking somewhere around 5:00 and the beer came out around 7:00, so i was pretty shitty by like 10:30. haha. my poor twinpants got stuck in traffic and didn't end up getting into town until like 1:30 and a lot of people had already gone to bed b.c some people had to leave early and work the next morning. smashley showed up and surprised the shit out of everyone! i was soooo happy! then her and curt downed a bottle of pinot grigio and things got pretty sloppy! haha. we ended up at denny's and andrew was our waiter!!! i heart my nacho boy! [but i wish shelly could have been there] oh and rotch-o left him her number... and he actually called her... twice. haha. oooh good ole andrew... but yeah, so madison and kris decided to stay the whole weekend with me, which was awesome,. but i had to work last night and tonight so i wasn't much of a hostess b.c i need sleep or i would never make it through an entire 11:30-8:00am shift! we dropped kris off at the trainstation around 1:30 and madison just left a little bit ago, so now i think i need a nap before work tonight! ♥

OH! and if anyone took pics at my party... send those ASAP! thanks! :)

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-06-11T15:33:00

2006-06-11T19:33:47Z

yesterday was chris hughes' 32nd birthday. i miss him!

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-06-09T14:08:00

2006-06-09T18:10:48Z

someone should buy me a ticket to go see the aquabats at saratoga winners on monday... since it is my birthday and all! pleeeeeeeeeease?!

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-06-02T22:10:00

2006-06-03T02:11:57Z

dan just friended me on myspace... why?

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-05-25T02:06:00

2006-05-25T06:10:28Z

tough love is kind of redundant isn't it?

lifeinflipflops @ 2006-05-24T18:04:00

2006-05-24T22:28:40Z

the part with the favourites:
movies. willy wonka & the choc. factory, igby goes down, boondock saints, office space.
flowers. tiger lily.
scent. leftover boy scent on pillows, makeout sweat, smile, VS dream angels
moment. just before you kiss when your heart starts to race, and you think, oh goood. it's finally happening... <-- couldn't agree more!
memory. waking up next to the person i love.
dance. i just like to dance. the end. :) <---agreed.
jewelery. my APO lock necklace.
gift type. anything with thought and meaning behind it.
colour. orange, yellow and maroon.
gold/silver. silver for sure. or white gold. <---again.
day of the week. thursday, because friday is overrated and wednesday is hump day. <-- do you read my mind or something?

the part with the life soundtrack:
slow dance. i want to be with you by mandy moore (and i know its an awful song but it holds a very special slow dancing memory for me)
salsa. represent, cuba
sex. lion and the lamb by the get up kids
play. teh bad touch by the bloodhound gang! haha.
cuddle. morning song by jewel.

the fun part:
position. tie me up tango. ;)
time of day. some wee hour of the morning before dawn after you've been sleeping for only a few hours.
foreplay. lots please!
fetish. teachers, restraint, orgasm denial.
pain. a little bit is okay.
pleasure. the more the merrier!
sex in general. when done with the right person, i love love love it!

in sickness and in health:
soup for sick days. chicken noooodle. but the kind with big noodles. <---mMmMMMmmmm!
way to be comforted. cuddling!!!
clear liquid. schwepp's gingerale NOT canada dry! haha.
medicines that work for headaches/cramps/flu. vicodin or contac!

the part about reproducing:
yes/no. probably.
children in general. pregnancy scares the shit out of me. i'd rather put it in someone else to deliver. <---i hear that! and i adore toddlers. infants and older children annoy me.

the part with personality disorders?!
paranoia. i have no paranoia problems.
jealousy. jealousy is useless.
manipulating/controlling. i'm not controlling or manipulative and i dislike people who are.
pessimism. i think if you're a pessimist you haven't had enough struggle in your life. because i've had some SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY stuff happen, and yet its always okay in the end. how can you not be optimistic knowing that?
flirtatious. i'm very flirtatious and i don't really mind when guys are either, so long as its a guy i trust.

the part with the randoms:
pet peeves. bad grammar, bad table manners, most peoples' driving.
drugs. i like pot more than i should, but all other drugs are a no go for this girl.
turn offs. annoying family members. <---haha that made me laugh! people who pity themselves make me absolutely sick.
long walks. fun just before dusk on a summer night. <---mmmhm!
pets. i have a kitten! i want a dog... and a giraffe!
dreams. i will own my own music venue, and some lucky schmuck will get to marry me and be my house husband! :)

the part with religion:
your beliefs. i am faithful, but i am not religious.

and you wanted to know:
Where do you see yourself in ten years? well established in my business, married, with kids if i have any.
Name one extreme sport/activity you'd like to try. sky diving! i'm going as soon as i graduate college!
Were you born naturally, or via Cesarian? naturally.
What is your PMS cycle, so as to avoid grumpiness? i don't really PMS.
List things that make you genuinely happy - not just temporarily or superficially, but genuinely. good music, good friends, good orgasms, true love.

insomnia wins.....

2006-05-24T08:29:35Z

Grab your mobile phone and let's go!

01. What is the phone maker?
motorola.

02. What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
126.

03. What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
"highlighted it its bad."

04. Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
madison quinn

05. Who's the last person you rang?
shelly.

06. Who was your last missed call from?
kyra.

07. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
davey martino.

08. What does the last message in your inbox say?
"thanks hun!"

09. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
jess.

10. Go to your Sent Items - what does the 5th message say?
"i know its late, sorry. i miss you pal."

11. Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
shelly.

12. Who is your network provider?
cingular.

13. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
four.

14. What do you have as your background?
a picture of a store int eh hudson valley mall called "cool n hip" haha i had to take the picture...

15. Who's the 2nd person who is comes up under R?
retard! (marcie)

16. Who do you have on speed dial 3?
i don't use my speed dial.

17. If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
i'm not... but i'm probably over my minutes... yet again! haha.

18. Who's the first person who comes up under C?
chase, and oddly enough i have NO idea who that is. haha. i've been trying to figure it out for a while now. it's an 801 area code... so if anyone has any clue, let me know! haha!

19. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
three out of five. cingular sucks!

20. What do you have as your main ringtone?
"chain me free" by the matches.

kissing sluts unite! haha!

2006-05-24T01:11:17Z

01. [x] on the cheek.
02. [x] on the lips.
03. [x] on the hands.
04. [x] on the neck
05. [x] in their room.
06. [x] the opposite sex.
07. [x] of the same sex
08. [x] a little bit younger than me.
09. [x] a little older than me
10. [x] with black hair.
11. [x] with brown hair.
12. [x] with blonde hair.
13. [x] with red hair
14. [x] with a tounge ring
15. [x] shorter than me.
16. [x] with a lip ring.
17. [x] who I love/loved
18. [x] who was drunk.
19. [x] who was high.
20. [x] in the morning.
21. [x] right after waking up.
22. [x] just before bed.
23. [x] late at night.
24. [x] who I had just met.
25. [x] who I really didn't want to kiss.
26. [x] we were just talking not dating.
27. [x] on a bed.
28. [ ] in a graveyard.
29. [x] at school.
30. [x] against a wall/fence
31. [x] in a hotel
32. [x] at the beach.
33. [x] at a concert.
34. [x] in a pool.
35. [x] was/is a good friend.
36. [x] in the rain/ snow
37. [ ] with an std
39. [x] in a car/taxi/bus.
40. [x] in the movies.
41. [x] in a bathroom/laundry room (hahahahaha!).
42. [x] in the dark.
43. [ ] on a roof top.
44. [x] while they/you were on the phone
45. [x] while they/you were driving
46. [x] a stranger
48. [x] more than one person at once.
49. [x] crying
50. [x] goodbye forever
51. [x] when I was drunk.
52. [ ] who didn't speak english
53. [ ] in a hot tub
54. [x] upside down
55. [x] someone that no one knows about
56. [x] and it led to more
57. [ ] a girl and she gave me the best hand job ever at the same time!!
58. [i wiiiiish ] in a confession box